In honor of New Moon coming out in theaters recently, I'd like to take the opportunity to point out something girls can learn from a huge mistake Bella makes (well, one of several mistakes) in her relationship with Edward. I haven't seen the movie, but I have read the book, so my comments will be based on the novel rather than the film.A lot is said in church about physical boundaries in dating relationships, and many people are impressed that Bella and Edward don't actually have premarital sex. Side note: This isn't my main point, but I would definitely not look to Bella and Edward as an example of purity. Though they don't have intercourse, they do cross many lines that I believe shouldn't be crossed before marriage. Additionally, Bella tries to have sex with him multiple times, but Edward stops her, which is very unrealistic and reveals Bella's lack of commitment to purity. Anyway, back to my point. Though Bella and Edward don't have physical premarital sex, I would argue that they certainly have emotional premarital sex. Let me explain...
Just as there are certain physical boundaries that should remain intact in a dating relationship, couples should set emotional boundaries as well. The purpose of this is to guard your heart (Prov. 4:23). Until you have the security of an engagement with a ring on your finger, you must restrain yourself from getting too emotionally intertwined with your boyfriend. For example, saying "I love you" and planning out your wedding together should not be done before engagement. This binds you together in an emotional bond that is very intimate...much like a physical one during sex. Once you cross these emotional boundaries, your heart is crushed when you break up. You haven't guarded your heart, and as a result, it's shattered.
We see an excellent example of this in New Moon. Bella and Edward are continually telling each other how much they love each other and how their whole world revolves around one another. Here are a couple of examples from Edward: "I dream about being with you forever;" "Look after my heart. I've left it with you;" "Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you?" And one from Bella: "I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."
In New Moon we quickly see what happens when emotional boundaries have been crossed and the couple breaks up. Bella feels like her life is over and suffers through a deep depression over many months. Her life becomes robotic and devoid of all emotion, leaving her numb and lifeless. She breaks off every other relationship that she has had with her friends and becomes a complete loner. She has nightmares. She is completely miserable, and her heart is broken in half. She can think of nothing else but Edward, and her unfulfilled longing for him brings her deep pain. Reading the chapters after her break-up with Edward are depressing to read, but though this story is fiction, there are many other girls who suffer similar turmoil after giving their hearts away to their boyfriends.
Now, I'm not going to lie. It feels great to say those things to the one you love, and even greater to hear them said to you. However, it's simply dangerous to do so before engagement. When Lee and I were dating, we both longed to tell each other how much we loved each other, how we'd never want to grow old with anyone else, etc. However, though it was really hard, we both set firm emotional boundaries and exercised self-control and restraint. Lee was committed to guarding my heart, because he knew how fragile it was. I challenge you to find a guy who is that wise and who loves you enough to guard your heart. Saying "I love you" at the proposal will be all the more sweeter if you've waited~
